Family Therapy
by LiveInTheMomentx
Summary: Cullens are going to family therapy! Will the poor instructors survive their craziness find out! T for languge Rewriting!
1. This Is A GOOD Day

**A/n:** So I'm back, and rereading this story I gotta say I sucked at writing so I decided to give it a try and rewrite this story a bit and fix what I can. I hope you enjoy the revise version. I'm not deleting the other chapters: 1.I'm to lazy 2. Something for you to read till I revise the next chapters. You will know if it is revise because after the disclaimer I will post a very very noticeable note that says revise.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything about Twilight, from its characters to the plot nothing at all =D But I do own this stories plot!

**Revised!**

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Everything was quiet at the Cullen's house which is a miracle, may I tell you. There was usually always some sort of screaming, fighting, and breaking things. Eh, wait I may have spoken to soon.

"EDWARD! LET EMMETT GO! God, he was HUGGING ME! Hugging! Not burning me on fire!"Bella said mostly screaming.

"Love, he was choking you though," Edward answered punished to his "corner"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I DO NOT HAVE TO BREATH, I REPEAT **DO NOT**, **DO NOT** HAVE TO BREATH!"Bella manged to scream out though the rest of the commotion that were going on in the house.

"EMMETT! I know you stole my shoes, GIVE! THEM! BACK!"Rosalie screamed late already for her shopping spree.

"Bu-bu-but I need to use them for my, eh, "_project_"," Emmett said like a five year old kid getting his favorite toy taken away.

"Alice, you spent how much and it was supposed to be a date!" Jasper asked stunned

"Not, that much..."Alice answered looking at the ground.

"10,000 is a bit to much to spend only on shoes, don't you think?" Jasper asked more or less making it a statement, the rest of the house's emotions were getting to him.

"EDWARD, EMMETT GET YOUR BUTTS HERE!" Esme shouted.

_I guess she figured out about the vase_, Emmett thought. "You think?" Edward shouted back.

Carlisle suddenly stepped into the commotion shocked at the mess after a rough day at work.  
And this was on a GOOD day too.

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**A/N:**This chapter is finished getting revised xD yay! So review if you can please...


	2. First Meetings and Pets

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight

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Epov

``Hi! My name Erika and I`ll be your therapist for today.`` I lady with black hair and blue eyes said.

``Okay first up Bella and Edward.`` Erika said.

``Edward always protects me even when I don't need it I can defend myself.`` Bella said.

``Maybe Edward here is overprotective because he needs something to protect.`` his said.

``That may be true`` I said remembering all the times I protected her for no reason.

``Well I suggest this treatment it works well usually… anyways you just buy a pet a small and defenseless one and take care of it and protect it instead of your wife`` Erika said.

``That may work`` I said.

``I will update on you guys in the next appointment.`` Erika said.

Apov

``Okay Alice and Jasper`` Erika said.

``Well I heard that you guys have a bit of a problem.`` Erika said.

`` Yes, we do my husband says I` m a shopaholic and Bella never lets me give her makeovers!!`` I said.

`Ummm… sure that is a biggest problem I ever heard of!?!?`` Erika said.

``Try to limit your shopping and here is a life size doll to play makeover with check on you at the next appointment.`` Erika said in a rush.

``Okay guys I have to go I'll talk to Emmet, Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle tomorrow``Erika said.

Epov

_At the Pet Store_

`` Love which one should I get`` I asked Bella.

``The hamster`` Bella said.  


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Sorry It is short but I will update soon the more reviews I get the faster I will pobbaly update what should the hamster`s name be?


	3. Escapes,Deals,and Vampire Animels

thanks Smashly

Bpov

"I named them Ella, Sal, Lucy, Sam." Edward said to me.

I could have sworn that Ella was giving me a deadly glare. The way her eyes  
looked, or how she would try and puff up her hair and seem Bigger. I don't  
like her. Now one bit!

Epov

I love all my hamsters except maybe Sam he keeps on giving me glares.

Sam`s Pov

"Hey Ella let's run away and be free." I said to my fellow hamster friend.

"Sure." Ella said and we ran into the woods to be free.

Bpov

"Come on we have to go." I said.

"But Sam and Ella are gone. I can't leave them. They need me to protect  
them!" I heard Edward complain with a pout on his lips.

"Oh well you still have Sal and Lucy." I said with a ** tone.

Rpov

"Okay Emmett let's make a deal if you read this 3,982 page book, by the next  
time I see you and you memorize and understand it I'll give you 50 unreleased  
games that this game company sends me, deal?" Erika said slowly making sure  
Emmet understood every single word she said.

Cpov

"Umm maybe if you spend more time with your kids they might behave. Here are  
eight tickets to Adventure Land and you MUST use them. Enjoy!" Erika said.

FTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFFTFTFTFTFTF

Bpov

"Umm Edward, why are Sal and Lucy's eyes red?" Emmet asked confused and  
slightly entertained voice.

"Jasper, you turned them into vamps!?!?" Edward yelled.

"Umm yes?" Jasper answered or more like asked.

"I can't believe you!" Edward said

As much fun as it was listening to my Edward and his brother fight. It got  
annoying after the explanation. So I just tuned them all out and started  
reading a copy of Edwards Romeo and Juliet.

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An yes just a 1 day diffence I`ll try to update soon but I have alot of test coming up

and review it will make me type faster and it`s really true and thanks for the reviews guys


	4. Plotting For Evil

don`t own twilight mos t likely will get a beta!!

Thanks Smashly

Chapter 4. You did really good on this one!

Bpov

Edward is so annoying, being obsessed with the vampire hamster thingies for  
Pete sakes. They can take of themselves.

What's the soft little thingy doing on my cheek. WTF?? It's Sal?!

"Edward we are sending these hamsters to Tanya." I said now officially **.

"Love, calm down we are going to Adventure Land today"Edward said in a calm  
voice…

"Why the hell should I be calm YOUR hamsters pop up everywhere. I even found  
Lucy on the floor of the shower"I said while I grabbed Sal and was about to  
choke him before i felt a cold hard hand take him out of my grasp.

"Honey lets just go to Adventure Land." Edward said.

At Adventure Land

"Yay this is sooo much fun. I'm happy you talked me into this!" I said.

"Sal and Lucy will love these toy." Edward said and his eyes sparkling.

… they don`t need toys!! I thought

At home

Empov

Photosynthesis is the process of … .

Boy this is so boring but I want those games so..

I will survive

Or... yes I will

"Emmett shut up!" Edward yelled.

He's probably grumpy because Bella not letting him touch her I thought.

"No I am not grumpy!" Edward yelled.

"Both of you shut up!!" Bella yelled not lifting up her head from her book.

"See you got her mad." Edward yelled.

"No I didn't you did." I said.

"Whatever." Edward said.

Cpov

Can"t wait till the next therapy lesson.


	5. Annoyed YEAH I Thought So

Disclaimer:I do not own twilight or it`s caracters but I do own sal lucy and erika

Sorry I didn`t update school is so hard!!!!

Sorry it`s so short I promise I`ll get the new chapter as fast as I can

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Bpov

That's it I`m getting rid of the hamsters I thought, they are getting me pissed.

Empov

Eddie is still as grumpy as ever I thought.

``Guys no family therapy today. Erika said it`s Spring Break so have fun`` Alice said.

Yessss!!!!!! More time to read I thought. Shit I forgot I`ll be spending all my free time with Rose. Oscar and Hammerstein where composer I thought.

Uggg! I will never win those games.

Bpov

`` Sal come here I won`t hurt you.`` I said.

Sal` Pov

I think she thinks I`m stupid nut I`m not Oooo lookie there cheese! I thought

Jpov

This only happens in our family I thought.

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Oh yeah my friends and me at school always says this only happens at our school because our class is weird

review or pm me ideas and I`ll won`t stick in a filler chapter. I just thought I`ll give you something to entertein yourselves when I am wollowing in my misery.

Review and I will type


	6. Subs,Sluts, and Savior Please Save Us

disclaimer: do not own twilight nor it`s character  


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Bpov

``Hello we are your substitute consolers. My name is Linda" a bleached blonde hair girl with blue eyes was saying… directed mostly to my husband Edward who was calling a HAMSTER babysitter asking if Sal and Lucy is okay.

Just to let you know the babysitter is a vampire. Linda then dropped a pen on the floor "accidentally" and like anybody would do she bended done the same way you and I would but the difference she was wearing a INCRDIBLY short skirt! She the looked up at my husband to see if he notice but he of course did not. Instead he leaned towards me and pecked me on the lips.

Under her breath far to low for any human could pick up she said " Dang it that didn't work! I'm far more pretty than that bitch. All well let me try that hunk with the muscles. His girlfriend isn't even that pretty. I bet she had breast implants and dyed her blond or has a wig."

"*cough* whore * cough* bitch *cough* slut *cough cough cough* " Alice said or more liked cough. Which made us burst into giggles which also made the consolers think we were crazy which we are not…Okay! Maybe Emmett and sometimes Alice when you add Alice, credit card, and Paris together.

Finally the other consoler spoke " Hi there I` m Max" he said.

Than I saw Edward whisper something to Jasper and Emmett which in response made them all growl. This is going to be one heck of a session. Erika come back save us from this people.

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Sorry I lost my isperation when my mom said we had go out T.T

review!!!


	7. Kimmy The Cat Revange

I do not own anything of twilight so you cannot sue Me!!!!

Oh and read the WHOLE ending of the An

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Back at the Cullen's house

Bpov

…wait!! I got a idea. I` ll get a dog and name it jacob. … nah I`ll get a cat.

At the pound

Awww the calico is soo cute and it`s green eyes reminds me of Edward.

``Hey! Excuse me I would like to adopt this cat" I said.

`At the vetnarians

Strange that human looks like Erika I thought.

"Hello! I am (sh-em-n) but you can call me Dr. Natalie if you can1t pounce that." Symn said her green eyes were the only thing diffent.

" You must be Bella Cullen my little sister works as your consular." Symn said.

"Yeah I am"I said

" Oh yeah my sister said sorry that she wasn`t there yesterday because she was sick that why she canceled it" Symn said.

"no problem… wait WHAT!" I said .

" there where these two people named Max and Larua.. Lizze or something." I said

" oh nono you must be thinking about peter and Yuri cause Max and Linda are total angels." Symn said

At Family therepy

" Sorry I wasn`t here yesterday I got A virus or something any way I like to intrdouce my students max and Linda" erika said

"hello" Max and Linda the whore said.

Linda was wearing nothing slutty instead she looked like angel!!

Linda then said "welcome" and mutterd to the three slut musketeers. They probally have fake boobs and plastic surgery and even with all that I am sooo more popular and hotter she said.

At the end of class

Em Pov

"hi there" Linda said to Edward.

She charged into a tank top showing A LOT of cleavage and somehow it was almost transparent.

…AHHHH my airs they burn. WHY? Cause the wind picked up and Linda being whore/slut let the wind picked up and her skirt and shirt went up just like she planed.

To make it worse SHE WASN`T wearing a BRA AND PANTIES.

I heard under her breath she said I know you want me bad so why don`t you do it now.

Bpov or Apov or Rpov

I thing we all agree we shall kill Linda.

Linda Pov

I heard Erika voice nice and strong "Linda, come here Why don`t we have a chat".

Oh no she might have heard what I said and Saw the deed too!

Erikas Pov

They never think a elf can hear can`t they.

All well !

Epov

What the heck Erika`s a elf no wonder she can hear so well.

At the Cullen`s resident

"Guys, Erika a elf." I said.

"dude, we already knew that she told us already when she said she knew we were vamps."Emmet said.

"Wh-" My sentence was cut of by meowing.

"Ohhh Kimmy come here" Bella said.

Kimmy jumped into Bella`s waiting arms.

Bpov

Wait a minute why are Kimmy`s eye red.

"Jasper"I said

"nope Emmett" jasper replied

"Emmett why?" I asked

"I thought it would be cool" Emmett reply was.

Then Kimmy started hissing at…EDWARD!?!?"Edward what did you do to Kimmy?" I asked.

Kimmy loves everybody.

Kimmy`s Pov

The hamesters Sam and Lucy are pretty cool they told me they were vamps and I was a vamp.

I got a power like they did.

Sam can speak languages and Lucy can make teleport herself in a 5 mile ridus.

I found out I could see someones past.

I liked everyone ecept for the bronze hair guy who left her and broke her heart.

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Symn a.k.a is my sis Nat

Hey sis I luv you anyways...

Sorry I didn`t update for soo long I have a project to work on and I still didn`t finish but I thought you guys deserve something and

If you were one of my top reviewers I sended you a sneak peek sorry i was late :/

Anyways if YOU are one of my top reviwers and I started on a new chapter but will not and did not update I shall send you a sneak peek

Oh yeah I almost forgot sorry about the errors I was in a rush!

If you send me a flame I`ll shall not care if it is on the first chapter

If one second third etc. Ill shall pm you a reply Then Why the hell are you still reading! Oh and review

Longest chappie yet


	8. Metting Kim And Teams

I do not own anything

Epov

Everybody was crawling over to Kimmy. It made me sick! Why do they do that to her and not Sam and Lucy.

Bpov

"Edward why did you yell at Kimmy for? You can't go into our bedroom for a month." I said.

"Oh Kimmy come here your okay right?" I said.

Kimmy meowed .

At therepy

"Hi trust sections games or coming up." Erika said with a evil looking grin and held out a piece of paper.

Alice + Emmett= Pink team

Bella+ Jasper= Blue team

Rosalie + Edward= Green team

Soryy it`s short I promise to update longer and better next time I just want you to read this summary it`s called don`t mess with a hybrid.

Bella is a hybrid along with her twin sister but they are diffent from other hybrids they are pure born. Bella falls in love with Edward but disters and trobules come along will their love be stong enough to last though all that?


	9. Trust,Pain, And A Twenty Story Building

Me:Hi Kimmy

Kimmy: meow *gives me a piece of paper*

Me: Fine! I the writer of this story does not own the twilight characters those nor the books. Happy!

Kimmy: meow! Meow Meow Meow!

Me: Oh Yeah! I do however own Erika,Sal,Ella,Sam,Lucy,Symn,and Kimmy

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Bpov

"Okay the trust excise number one! You know one people catch one another trust excise? It` s like that bu-" Erika said before Emmett cutted her off.

"That is soooo easy!!!!!!" Emmett yelled on top of his lungs.

" Anyways the rules are you are rewarded by each story of the building you fall off but don`t worry nobody will see you. Each story higher means one more point for the team but, if you do not lean back and fall, cheat, or the other player fails to catch you then you are forced to burn five of your prize possessions and lose five points. The winning team of that event gets to pick. Twenty story building so forty points in all. " Erika said again holding a piece of paper.

**Prize Possessions you Would have to burn**

Alice … clothes and makeup

Jasper … musical instruments and his war stuff

Edward … hamster toys and his pianos (he has a lot of them)

Bella … books and cds

Emmett … video games and systems

Rosalie … cars and car stuff

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"Who told you all this" Alice said. " Oh, your mom and dad" Erika said.

" Hello I`m Symn the sports person." Symn announced.

"Emmett why you have to cheat!" Alice yelled.

"Final score

Pink team=o

Emmett lost

197 games and 3 game systems

Alice lost

200 pieces of clothes

Why they lost?

Emmett cheated of missed Alice arms since he went past the border line which is where Alice is not allowed to past. So they had -40 and Alice made it so they had 0.

Comments:

Emmett-I will win!

Alice-Why? Emmett! WHY?

Blue team= 40

Comments:

Bella- Yes we won!

Jasper- you shall never burn my flag never!!!

Green team=20

Edward lost

100 pieces of hamster toys

Rosalie lost

50 pieces of spray paint

10 cars

And 40 wheels

Why they lost?

Edward didn`t want to fall for half of the last one cause he saw Sal and Lucy on the 4th story and would not catch Rosalie for half or them because he was holding Sal and Lucy.

Comments

Rosalie-Evil Hamsters

Edward-I love me hamsters

Well that it for now this is Symn signing out" Symn said.

"Well you two get a big surprise! Bella you get a first edition Jane Eyre novel which was signed by the author herself. Jasper you win a flag that was signed by a confederate general." Erika said giving us our prizes.

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Hope you enjoyed and thanks for all those updates it really gave me enough energy to type this chapter and review


	10. SINGING and A Hell of A Punishment

Dont own anything!

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**Bpov**

"**Okay, Challenge number two!" Erika said.**

"**I`m going to give you a scene and you have to sing or play a instrument a part of a real song about it both of you!" Erika said.**

"**Okay, consequences are at the end. 20 points in total(10 points by each judge). My sister and I are the judge. Pink team: express hate or trying to give someone hellish life Blue team: revenge on a cheating boyfriend/girlfriend Green team: Los Vegas! Erika said.**

**Green Team**

**Alice-singing**

**Emmett-playing the drums**

**You've never seem so tense love I've never seen you fall so hard, Do you know where you areAnd truth be told I miss you And truth be told I'm lying When you see my face Hope it gives you hell Hope it gives you hell When you walk my way Hope it gives you hell Hope it gives you hellIf you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well Then he's a fool, your just as well, hope it gives you hell Hope it gives you hell**

"**Nine points" Erika said.**

"**Eight points" Symn said.**

"**So in total 19 points and in the whole game you got … 17 points." Erika said.**

**Blue team**

**Jasper-guitar **

**Bella- singing**

**That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, Carved my name into his leather seats... I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, Slashed a hole in all 4 tires... Maybe next time he'll think before he now, she's probably up singing some White-trash version of Shania karoke... Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky, Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom polo... And he don't know... That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, Carved my name into his leather seats, I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, Slashed a hole in all 4 tires... Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.I might saved a little trouble for the next girl, Cause the next time that he cheats... Oh, you know it won't be on me! **

"**Ten points" Erika said.**

"**Eleven" Symn said.**

"**You guys got twenty points in total and sixty in the whole game." Erika said.**

**Green team**

**Rosalie-singing**

**Edward- singing**

**You gotta help me outIt's all a blur last night We need a taxi 'cause you're hung-over and I'm brokeI lost my fake I'd but you lost the motel keySpare me your freakin' dirty looksNow don't play meYou want to cash out and get the hell out of townCHORUS:Don't be a babyRemember what you told meShut up and put your money where your mouth isThat's what you get for waking up in VegasGet up and shake the glitter off your clothes, nowThat's what you get for waking up in Vegas Why are these lights so brightOh, did we get hitched last night, dressed up like Elvis, And why, why am I wearing your class ring? Don't call your mother' Cause now we're partners in crime CHORUS:Don't be a babyRemember what you told meShut up and put your money where your mouth isThat's what you get for waking up in VegasGet up and shake the glitter off your clothes, nowThat's what you get for waking up in Vegas**

"**Ten points" Erika said.**

"**Eleven" Symn said.**

"**You guys got twenty points in total and 40 in the whole game." Erika said.**

"**Bella and Jasper won since they had the most points in the whole challenge.**

**Bella- won a new book shelf**

**Jasper- new guitar" Erika said .**

"**The losers have community service!" Erika said.**

**

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**

Okay two things:

1. who wants to help on a very fun part! It for the next challage. Pm or review telling me you want to help and then I tell you the challge and you get to tell me your idea

Give you hell- American Rejects

Before He Cheats- Carrie Underwood

Waking up in Vegas-katey Perry

Beta wanted


	11. I'm SORRY!

*rubs neck* I AM NOT DEAD! =D It's just that life caught up with me X_X I'll try to update soon most of the drafts I have of the chapters are gathering dust D=. Also, I might rewrite some chapters my writing seriously SUCKED! Well, it might not be any better now but still. I'm sorry! *bows* I'll update I promise maybe in December I'm not really sure...there's just too many things so I might put some stuff on hold. Especially since I have a new account: thesinginglark and I need to update there to, and some stuff happened inside my family so I got stressed I'm sorry again! I hope you guys dont hate me...


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